Becoming an Au Pair is a life-changing adventure that allows individuals to combine their love for children with a passion for travel.
In this blog I will share my personal experience as an Au Pair for two years in the United States, shedding light on the joys, the challenges and invaluable experiences that come with traveling as a nanny.
What Is An Au Pair?
An Au Pair is a young person, female or male, typically between the ages of 18 and 26 who lives with a host family in a foreign country to help with childcare and light household tasks in exchange for room, board and a small allowance.
Being an au pair is a regulated cultural exchange program in many countries and the visa issued defines the participant’s rights, duties and limitations such as working hours, mandatory coursework, vacation or time off and insurance.
For example, in the United States au pairs enter the country on a J-1 cultural exchange visa. This visa will allow you to stay for a year with a possible 12 month extension.
What’s The Difference Between An Au Pair and A Nanny?
Someone working in childcare without an official au pair visa might be classified differently (like a nanny or domestic worker), which often comes with different legal protections, tax obligations and labor rules.
The term Au Pair comes from the French meaning “on par” or “equal to”, reflecting the idea that the au pair is considered a temporary member of the family, not a domestic worker.
Being an au pair is a cultural exchange experience. It allows you to immerse in a new culture, learn or improve a language and explore a different way of life, all while providing support to a family.
How To Know If Becoming An Au Pair Is Right For You?
I decided to become an Au Pair because I was working full time and just about to receive my Degree. In Panama, my home country, you are more competitive in the job market and can pursue a higher salary than the average if you are a professional who is also bilingual.
At that time, my English was not really good. I took different English courses for years but even though I had lots of vocabulary, I was not able to hold a full conversation.
I learned about the opportunity from a classmate that had a good experience in the United States so I decided to give it a try.
Must girls are drown to this opportunity because of the same goal of learning or improving their English.
It works out perfect because you are immerse in the language you want to learn and you have the flexibility to take classes and study as much as you want.
But having a goal like learning a language shouldn’t be the only reason. You must like kids, after all that will be your full time job.
Also, you will be away from home in another country for at least a year so being an independent person will definitely help.
I consider these 3 points the most important to have a good experience. If you are good with that you should be good to go.
Requirements to Apply to the Program
Rules will vary by country and will be tied to the visa but these are the most common requirements to apply:
- Age limit: between the ages of 18 and 26. Some European countries will allow individuals up to the age of 30.
- Language proficiency: at least a basic knowledge of the local language is required.
- A minimum number of childcare hours: some agencies will ask for references to prove your experience with childcare.
How To Choose The Right Agency?
The application process to become an au pair is through a host agency.
This can be with a third party company in your country or directly through a host agency.
My host agency was Cultural Care Au Pair in the US which I connected from my home country (Panama) with Mi Oportunidad as the third party.
Choosing the right agency can mean the difference between a rewarding cultural exchange and a stressful experience. Here are a few things to consider when making a decision:
- Is the agency officially recognized or licensed in the countries it operates in? In the US, for example, only agencies designated by the Department of State can legally sponsor J-1 au pair visas.
- Check for memberships in organizations like IAPA (International Au Pair Association).
- A true au pair agency should emphasize language learning and cultural experience, not just childcare.
- Are the rules and expectations clearly explained, for both you and the host family?
- Do they mediate in case of conflict with the host family?
- Do they help with re-matching if things don’t work out?
- Avoid agencies that pressure you into choosing a family quickly. Look for one that allows video interviews, profile matching and give you time to decide.
- Does the agency guide you through the visa process?
- Do they help you with insurance, contract signing and travel arrangements?
- Do they offer a local coordinator in your placement area for support?
- Look up the agency’s reviews and testimonials in Google and other forums for honest feedback from past au pairs.
- Reach out to someone who used them, if possible!
How The Au Pair Matching Process Works?
Once you have chosen an agency and completed the initial application, the next exciting step begins: matching with a host family!
Here is how the process usually works:
Complete Your Profile
Must agencies will have a platform where you can create a detailed profile. Make sure to include:
- A personal bio
- Photos and/or video introduction: Here would be nice to share pictures with your family at home.
- Details about your childcare experience: If you can share pictures with the kids you have babysit even better.
- Languages spoken: It doesn’t have to be perfect but you have to be able to communicate at least in the must basic way.
- Hobbies and interests.
- Your preferences (age of kids, location, smoking, pets, etc.).
Must importantly, be honest. Families want to get to know you.
Profile Review and Approval
The agency reviews your application to ensure it meets program requirements. They may:
- Ask for references
- Conduct a background check
- Interview you online or by phone
- Offer tips to improve your profile.
Matching Begins
Once your profile is approved it becomes visible to host families. This is where the actual matching starts!
You may be contact directly by the families if they are interested or the agency will send you pre-screened family matches to consider. It will depend on the agency.
This step is crucial and it should be a both ways screening. You should feel as comfortable with a family just like they want to be with you.
You should be able to:
- See the family profile
- Read about their lifestyle, schedules, expectations
- Learn about the children
- Look at pictures or video intro (if available).
A lot of girls omit this step being blinded by the excitement of traveling and take the first family that shows interest. It is imperative to take your time to review the family profile and stick to your needs (we will talk about this in the next section).
I remember a case of a girl accepting a family with an autistic child without knowing what entitles. Also, another girl accepting a family of 5 children and even though she did like kids, she has a more laid back and introvert personality (the children did not). I heard also about an au pair staying with a family which religion forbids to bring meat into the house to cook it or eat, so for her it was a big challenge not being vegetarian or vegan.
There are many au pair’s horror stories that could have been avoided by a responsible screening from both parties. Take your time, do your due diligence and wait for the right family for you.
Interview with Host Families
When there is a mutual interest, the agency will schedule an interview via Zoom, Skype or another platform.
Take this opportunity to:
- Ask questions about their routines, rules and expectations.
- Meet the kids (if possible).
- Get a sense of how comfortable you feel with them.
If your English is not so good (or whatever foreign language that is), try writing down your questions before the interview so you can memorize them or just read them and try to interact the best you can. Don’t stress out about it, the family should know your English is basic and one of your motives to become an Au Pair is to improve it.
Sometimes the current au pair will chip in to help in the conversation. I love this, not only because it makes you feel more comfortable but it also shows a good relationship between the family and the au pair.
I recommend doing multiple interviews, even if you love the very first family. Don’t feel pressured to say yes right away.
I remember having an interview with the family of a professional basketball player. They were expecting a baby hence the need of the help of an au pair. I was so excited dreaming about all the celebrity stuff. At the end they didn’t choose me because they wanted someone more experienced with newborns. And that’s ok, I did find another wonderful family after all.
Closing the Deal
If both parties feel it’s a good fit, the family may offer you the position. You can either accept and move to next steps with the agency or decline and wait for another match.
Once accepted, you will sign an official au pair agreement. Make sure this document outlines:
- Work hours and duties
- Days off and holidays
- Salary
- Length of stay
How to Choose the Right Host Family?
Finding the right host family is just as important as landing the position itself. Your experience as an au pair will heavily depend on the family you live with, their lifestyle, values and how they treat you.
Here are a few key things to look for when considering a potential host family:
Clear Communication
- Do they answer your questions openly and respectfully?
- Do they seem genuinely interested in you as a person, not just as a caregiver?
- Are they transparent about expectations, schedule and responsibilities?
Shared Values and Lifestyle
- Are they warm and welcoming in how they talk about their home and family?
- Do they respect cultural exchange and seem excited to include you in their life?
- What’s their religion? Do they practice any? Are they ok with your believes?
- What’s their background? Would make more sense to choose a family who can represent the culture at its best; if you are traveling to US, a family with American roots for example.
Reasonable Expectations
- Are they willing to give you space for language classes, social time or travel? If they are a super busy family this could be a red flag and it is better to ask up front what are their expectations. You don’t have to say yes if you are not ok with it.
- Are the duties and working hours realistic and adhered to the visa regulations? My host family needed me during office hours so I used to work from Monday to Friday from 8am to 5pm and my weekends were off. I had many au pair friends which schedules were different. This is up to you, to choose a family with a schedule you will be fine working.
Comfortable Living Arrangements
- You should have your own room and access to a full bathroom. This is not negotiable. Make sure to ask if this room is in an office, meaning you are sharing the space. Or is it in a basement? in this case ask for pictures showing the condition of the basement; are you ok in a space with no windows? Is the bathroom shared with guests? Don’t be shy and ask away, this will be your home for at least 12 months.
- Will you feel safe and comfortable in the home? Ask for pictures of the common areas; does it look messy, with clutter, dark, are you ok with that?
- Is there flexibility with your meals and routines? Even though the family should cover meals, make sure to ask if they have any restrictions and if they are ok with you not sharing them. If that’s the case, are they ok adding some things for you in the grocery shopping list?
Location and Lifestyle
- Do you like the city or town where they live? The agency should give you at least the name of the broader area where the family live; you can do a simple Google Maps search and switch to satellite to have a good idea of how the area looks like and check for stuff nearby.
- Are there things to do nearby, especially in your time off? You can ask them what the area has to offer.
- Is there access to public transportation or a way to explore? Will they provide a car for your personal use (work and leisure)? Having a car will give you so much freedom and will make things easier even working with the family because no one has to depend on no one. Again, you can choose a family willing to provide a car. My host family did it for me and I will be forever grateful for that Toyota Corolla that took me all around Florida, literally!
- Most Au Pairs look for families in urban and suburban areas because there are more resources available such as schools or Community Colleges, things to do, more chances to meet people in cultural activities or other au pairs. Some of the most common areas where you can find a large amount of au pairs in the US are: Miami, San Francisco, Washington DC, New York, Boston and Chicago.
Look For Red Flags
- Avoid families who are vague, dismissive or rush you to make a decision.
- Be cautious if you feel uneasy or if they dodge key questions.
- Have they gotten into rematch? how many times? They might not explain why but if a family went into rematch more than once the problem might not be the au pairs.
- Do they have a solid family foundation? You might not want to be caught in the middle of a divorce, I know this is not easy to tell but you can pay attention when asking for the family dynamics. I met an au pair who had to share houses because the couple separated and they were sharing the kids custody. Just imagine how inconvenient would be switching between houses every week and having to carry your stuff every time, even if you keep stuff in each house, what if I’m going out and I don’t have with me my favorite dress or purse or whatever!
- Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is!
Visa Process
Your agency should guide you through the visa process including the paperwork and they will even provide you with a letter to bring to the consulate to prove your participation in the program.
The interview with the consulate is totally independent from the agency. The agency might guide you and even make the appointment for you but it’s out of their control the consulate’s decision.
The process is pretty similar to requesting a tourist visa just that this is more formal and you have to make clear your intentions to return to your country when your visa term comes to an end – call it picking up your career, finishing up your studies or coming back to your boyfriend, just make it clear.
This step is nerve wracking because ultimately everything depends on it. You could have find the best family ever with the best working terms and the best home location but if your visa is not approved you are going nowhere.
Prepare yourself and take the interview seriously. Arrive early, dress nice and bring everything you could possibly need.
Hopefully everything goes smoothly and all you have left is to celebrate and get ready for your trip.
The journey does not ends here. Check out the blog post Experience The US Through A Cultural Exchange: The Au Pair Journey where I go into details about the actual au pair life once you arrive at your destination.
Being an Au Pair is not just a job; it’s an incredible journey filled with personal and cultural enrichment. It provides a unique perspective on the world, fostering lifelong connections and leaving au pairs with a treasure full of memories.
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